An Apologetic for Fostering
There is something to say about the sanctification of the Lord in His timing. About two months ago now I went to the CrossExamined Instructors Academy in Chino Hills and out of there I emerged on fire again for God, His gospel, and apologetics. Set with my plan for a new website and finally back on social media after previously deleting personal accounts, and even enrolled at Liberty University for a Masters in Christian Apologetics, God brought all of that to a screeching halt. And that’s the thing about my plans -- God’s plans always trumps them, no matter how well thought out I think I have organized my calendar (something that is closely tied to my identity and pride...funny how God does that).
My husband and I are foster parents, and to date have fostered seven children in the last two years. We still hope for biological children and I echo my husband’s prayer, for us to submit to His will for the children He means to be ours in the right time. It is an emotional road as we continually learn the lesson that all children are ultimately His, not ours. In my moms study group at my church, we are working through 1 Samuel, and Hannah’s prayer has been a balm to my aching mama heart, with a house full of children not my own, and a womb that never housed any.
Often the verse used about fostering and adopting is James 1:27. If we read the whole passage starting from verse 19, James is talking about not only hearing the Word, but also doing the Word.
Often the verse used about fostering and adopting is James 1:27. If we read the whole passage starting from verse 19, James is talking about not only hearing the Word, but also doing the Word. On a whole, true religion is, as verse 27 says, “to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world,” but in light of the previous verses, to also obey God’s Word and to walk in righteousness, to persevere in the law, to watch what we say. That last one is really hard sometimes when you see some gnarly cases in the foster system.
We are currently caregivers of three children under two. We have never been more tired in our life. We have never been so emotionally topsy turvy either. See, we had plans. My husband is on the last leg of a very intense software engineering course that takes up at least 12 hours a day, six days a week. I work full time at a very demanding job, which I happen to love, and hoped to move up in sooner rather than later. And I wanted to finally begin my masters degree in apologetics. How do we do all this with the responsibility of keeping three very, very little people alive and healthy? The point is, God keeps trying to teach me that we can’t do it all, and we for sure can’t do any of it alone. We need to let God and the body of Christ work. We do this in humility, accepting that His grace is enough, and that He is glorified the more I rely on Him because I am so weak (2 Cor. 12:9). For someone as high functioning and independent as me, it is a painful but very needed chastisement for God to have to remind me moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day that it is all about Him and what He has done. It’s not about me and what I want to do, let alone what I can (or can’t) do.
We never know the future of any case for any children we might take in. But as our good good Father has adopted us as children into His great family in Christ, we are open to be a home for the least of these, to whatever end. What I have been reminded of late is that no, I can’t do everything. I have had to make choices to lessen my workload, even if temporarily, to choose loving these kids in actionable ways, regardless of legal status. And I will choose to be vulnerable to the heartbreak that might come if we do not keep them. That is the risk. This is the gig. That is the gospel.
We reflect the sacrifice of Christ, unto death, for those who cannot do it for themselves, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
We reflect the sacrifice of Christ, unto death, for those who cannot do it for themselves, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
So, you’ll hear from me less often than I had initially set out to publish. But I’m here! I have pushed starting my masters until next year. But I’m going to do it! I have said no to more responsibility at work that will probably mean not moving up as quickly as my ambition would like. But that’s ok -- because God is still in control here! He is teaching me (always) that when I’m at the end of myself from being up for another feeding at 3:30am, sleep deprived and emotionally raw from the things you might hear that happen to kids in the world, God is doing a thing. He is moving in the lives of children everywhere, whether we call them ours or not. And He is moving in the lives of us who are called His children, whether we understand it or not.