The Empty Crib, the Empty Cross: A Reflection of Fostering and the Nativity

I mentioned that my husband and I are foster parents in An Apologetic for Fostering.  We were moved by the great need in Los Angeles.  Last year we became foster parents for the first time, and though we understood what we were getting into – we didn’t understand what we were getting into.  The emotional ups and downs of having a child in our home and then letting him go was something that we anticipated to some degree, but could not totally know until we went through it.  The goal of the foster system is to ensure the safety, well-being, and permanency of children, the first avenue being to reunify with their parents if possible.  That first placement was not only our first foster, but also our first child.  That made it all the more difficult to let him go.  But as we approached the Christmas season last year, it made me wonder.  As hard as it was to love a son for even a short time and then see him go back to where he belonged, that is, his biological family, surely Mary felt an even deeper loss at the foot of the cross.

As hard as it was to love a son for even a short time and then see him go back to where he belonged, that is, his biological family, surely Mary felt an even deeper loss at the foot of the cross.

Christmas is more than presents, family, friends, and food – those are responses of its origin, the gift of life the Lord gave freely.  We need to continually reflect on His sacrifice, yes, and also the kinds of sacrifices we are to have for one another, be it time, resources, or material provisions – especially for the least of these.  For “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Days from Christmas, I want to leave you with this spoken word piece I did last year for our church's Christmas concert, “The Empty Crib.” I hoped it would encompass what all of this celebration is for, ultimately of what Christ did on the cross, to save us from our sins. All glory to God the Father for giving us His Son – and that the Son went so willingly!  

At long last Jesus came to live to die, to rise again, and give us life

So I can look to the empty cross and know
The burden Mary had was to give the world hope

The Empty Crib

My husband and I became foster parents for the first time this year
And no one could have ever prepared us for that fear
You feel when you first become a parent 
There is nothing apparent in how to manage the havoc
Yet there's something like absolute magic
More than you could ever think or even imagine
When you say yes to whatever is God’s provision
Of what it is to really give your love with no conditions

It takes real faith to say yes to someone else’s vision
And to be grateful for the things you have been given
This was not exactly what we pictured when we wanted children
To have them indefinitely
It’s definitely not what we envisioned
To be loving only someone else’s kids
Not knowing the end of “what if”
But God has a plan for everyone

We met baby boy on May the Fourth
So we called him our very own Baby Yoda
He was in the NICU
He had a tube in to get his food
It was my first Mother’s Day as a mom
I never felt so simultaneously nervous and calm
And the moment we brought him home we were in love
I didn’t want to think about the moment I might have to give him up
Funny thing about attachment when you can’t have it
It never goes the way you planned it

And I often wondered how Mary felt
How she dealt with loving a boy into a man who was God
Knowing her son was the one to be delivered up to death for us
Did she realize what all of that really meant, to love
And see her baby boy be crowned with thorns
To see Him as He is, as Lord

How does a mother wait in between the manger and the cross
How did Mary face looking forward to so great a loss

And I suppose every parent goes through this in some way
Foster or otherwise, letting go sooner or later is the reality of the wait
And in the meantime
We are being sanctified
We learn to savor the time
Counting down the days he's no longer baby mine
We take parenting in seasons
How to be patient beyond reason
You understand love is more than feeling
I wonder, is that how God loves me

Now I look at the nativity like a foster story 
Joseph raising Jesus for the Father’s glory 
Trusting the Lord and calling His Son his own by faith
Living day by day knowing what would be His fate
He must have known what was at stake and didn't want to break his vows
And I relate that to fostering now
Because we raise our children 
For a bigger mission

And now I got that good hope
Because we all know
All children are on loan

Still, you never quite let yourself peek into the jar of treasures you are storing
You love a child never really knowing
If you’ll see him become the man you’ve prayed for him to be, to watch him growing
Wondering about the sowing of those gospel seeds 
For him to one day, God-willing, believe
You love him with an understanding that he may never truly be yours
You love anyway and continue to pour
All the heart in that you can muster
With a quiet ache you feel when you foster
Because truth is
He may one day no longer live 
With you

And this has always been the gig
To know your life is no longer yours, it’s His
To learn to give up more than you ever thought to give
To love past your limits
To live for someone more than you ever thought you could commit
Because I tell you it is worth it
Of seeing one life saved 
Of seeing one life changed
Because you said yes to the gospel way
And life is never gonna be the same
You’ll see every day as a gift of grace
Given to you by the blood of the Lamb
The supernatural strength t o be His hands
To love little ones so they can love Christ
To one day proclaim His sacrifice

Mary, did you know what you would be giving up, then gaining
What pain you’d feel when you saw your son hanging
The agony to see your son as he was, whole
Could you rejoice for all of us to see those holes
In the palms of his hands, to satisfy the law’s demands
Did you know what you both would be giving up for us
To show the extent of His great love
To a people undeserving
The ones He was still serving
Even as we drove nails into His hands and into your mother heart

See our baby boy went back to his bios 3.5 months in 
And those were different kind of tears
I never knew heartache the same way as on that day he drove away
And it’s the kind of pain that you can’t tame
It just never seems to dissipate 
It’s amazing how much you learn to love
In only 3 short months
I can't even imagine 33 years
Culminating into a mother's worst fear
But when I look at that empty crib 
I just remind myself, this is the gig 

So still we wait
Maybe we'll have kids of our own
Maybe we won't
No matter what we know God is still in control
And I’m grateful when families can be put back together
That is a picture of the gospel reuniting us with our Father forever

At long last Jesus came to live to die, to rise again, and give us life

So I can look to the empty cross and know
The burden Mary had was to give the world hope

Interested in fostering in Los Angeles? Check out this recommended resource, FosterAll, that has been with my husband and me through this entire journey!